Things you learn

The other day (Monday) as my raquetteball class was coming to an end, I debated on staying and playing a few more games instead of going to institute, but I decided to go to class. The lesson that day was on the guidence of the spirit, however as the lesson progressed I got caught up and stuck in my own self taught lesson. As a class we read about Alma and his own personal trials and him receiving remission of sin. In Alma 38:8 Is where i really got stuck. It reads:

"And it came to pass that I was three days and three nights in the most bitter pain and anguish of soul; and never, until I did cry out unto the Lord Jesus Christ for mercy, did I receive a remission of my sins. But behold, I did cry unto him and I did find peace to my soul".

As I read through that scripture, many things came to my mind, the words "in the most bitter pain and anguish of soul" really got me for that is what I have been feeling. Mostly due to my own bad decisions and sins, but also from others who have hurt me and I took the pain and turned it into my own complete bitter pain and anguish. I was blown away that he used those exact words to describe how he was feeling. I have been using those words as well to describe what I was feeling way before I read that scripture. It was comforting to me to know that I wasn't the only one who has ever felt that way. That Alma, being the great man that he was, went through similar feelings and I appreciate to know that there is a good way to deal with those kinds of feelinging and that is turning to the Lord.

He did CRY unto God and found peace to his soul. This was a hard lesson for me to learn and then to APPLY it. I was so excited to learn that I could find peace in all the bitter pain and anguish of my soul, but I didn't want to go to God and drop my pride. I wanted to feel peace, but I didn't want to ask God for it. I felt like it was something I could and should do for myself. Turning to God for peace isn't easy for me, but I know that it is the only I can find it.

Another concept that I relearned was that it wasn't until he cried out to Christ that he did receive remission for his sins. This is yet another one of the many things I have forgotten. It is only through Christ that we can be clean. And once again I found myself wanting to be clean, but not willing to make the effort to go to Him and ask to be made clean and whole once more.

I try so hard to be independant of everyone including God. For if I can't do it on my own, how am I going to learn? Why should I ask others to help me? If others need to help me, it is only because I am weak and can't do it on my own. Oh how false this is! I know just how dumb that reasoning is, yet I still have the perception in me that I need to keep trying to do everything alone. Asking and receiving help from others and God, is not a weakness.

Asking for help is showing humbleness, a great Godly quality. Going to God for help is showing him that you trust him and that you are willing to let him lead you. How much of our lives do we try to do on our own? We need to ask ourselves... WHY? Life is so incredibly easier with God, but why do we often not include Him?

I'm glad I went to institue! I now have the goal to make more of an effort to be there (on time) and really focus on not only the lesson, but my own thoughts, feelings, and what I need to be getting out of it.